Joseph's Memorial

Picture on Program drawn by Aunt Jennifer

Joseph's visitation lasted every bit of four hours. We saw so many old and new friends and people who only knew him from the blog. Many from Atlanta made the trip as well as friends from across the country and lots of family from overseas. It was overwhelming. While it was draining, it was also greatly encouraging to see how Joseph's short life had touched so many people.

The funeral was such a beautiful service. At the beginning of the service we were treated to some video of Joseph being his wild, funny, sweet self. We sang a few hymns and heard some great music. One of Gillian's sister's friend knows Natalie Grant who wrote the song Held that has meant so much to Gill; and she was able to be here and sang it for us. It was an amazing moment. We heard from Aunt Jennifer, Uncle Matt B., and Uncle Sam as they told stories about Joseph and shared their thoughts and their pain. Then I shared a few thoughts and played a song that I wrote for Joseph over the past few weeks. Since Gill usually shares her thoughts, I'm going to just post what I said for those who couldn't be there:

Thank you all so much for coming. Joseph would have loved seeing all of these people together at one time. He was definitely a people person. He always had to be with one of us all the time, until we started making him have “room time” a few months ago so that he would learn to entertain himself at least a little. But there is no doubt that he was happiest when he was around people that he loved and I can only imagine his face to see all of his friends and relatives together in one building.

Way back last year a few weeks before Joseph’s original diagnosis, our good friends the Slotkins had to watch their son Luke die in their arms. I was talking with BJ sometime after and trying to put myself in his shoes and all I could say was that he was handling it unbelievably well and that God would never let that happen to me because I couldn’t handle it half as well as he did. I said that I would probably in anger chuck all of my beliefs in the goodness of God and would turn away from Him. Now that we’ve gone through so much with Joseph, I tell people that it’s not that I haven’t given up on God, but that He hasn’t given up on me. He won’t let me go. Every time I am angry beyond control at Him, He refuses to leave me alone. We definitely struggle with believing in God’s goodness. I now feel that the phrase God is good all the time, and all the time God is good has to be chanted over and over and over again until it’s driven in your head. God is good, it’s just that our understanding of what is good is so limited. Another phrase that I have repeatedly repeated is that He is God and I am not. He is God and I am not.

Throughout all of this past year Gillian and I have seen and felt the body of Christ supporting us through physical needs like meals and presents and cards, but especially through prayer. There is no way that we could express adequate thanks for everything that everyone has done. Gillian and I also want to thank our families who have helped us in so many countless ways. From free babysitting from all four grandparents, to housing from Jennifer and Matt and the Taaffes, but mainly for just being around for Joseph and helping his time here on earth even that much sweeter.

Now about the boy, cause that’s why we’re here. I want to tell just a few of our favorite stories about him. My new favorite story of all time actually happened last week. Our friends from Atlanta the Slotkins came up with Joe’s best buddy Logan for a weekend visit. Joseph was so excited to see him. Anyways, on Sunday before they left all three of the kids were playing in the play room. Holly snatched a toy away from Logan and he retaliated by pushing her while trying to get it back. Joseph didn’t see that Holly started it and even though he could barely walk, he marched over to him and just let him have one. Of course we don’t teach out children to hit, but seeing him want to defend his sister was so sweet and shows so much about him. He was passionate and fiercely loyal. He loved his sister so much even though they didn’t get along all of the time.

Joseph had so many trips and adventures during his last few months. We went to Disney world, Florida a couple of times, and we tried to do just about everything that we thought would be fun for him. But I noticed on all these trips that he was actually more excited to go home than he was during the trip. He loved being at home and he loved the normal day to day life. All he wanted was Mommy, Daddy, and Holly. There’s a lot that I have learned from him and his life, but I keep coming back to this lesson. We should all take the greatest joy in our day to day living and just being surrounded by the people we love.

Gillian and Holly and I and the rest of our families are hurting and missing him so much. I will continue to miss him until I see him again in heaven. But although our pain is real and seems unbearable, we have tremendous peace knowing that he is no longer suffering, that he has a new body that is tumor free, that he is at this moment in heaven being held by his eternal Father. And though we don’t have answers for the questions of why this happened, we know that God is God and we are not and that he is good all the time.

Anyways, thanks to all those who made such an effort to be there for us this weekend. We are truly grateful to have such a strong group of friends and family that are supporting us. We are indeed hurting and strugling to make sense of life now. Please continue to pray for us and for Holly.