So Grateful!

We have been so touched lately with all the efforts of our friends and family to make the Joe P. Rally Run a huge success. Thank you to everyone who is spreading the word about the run and to those of you who have set up fundraising pages, given, or signed up to run. If you haven't signed up yet, go here right now! And if you want to cry your eyes out, go here. (Thank you, Lindsay, for this beautiful and tender post.)

Also, a huge thank you to my wonderfully talented sister-in-law, Jennifer Barr, who is working round the clock putting this race together with the help of the Rally Foundation and Elaine Kay, their tireless Nashville director. We appreciate all your hard work so so much!!

A couple of weeks ago I got a message from a friend saying that her child's first grade class at Intown Community School would like to do a service project and their topic was "Sick Children." (This is the school that's a part of our church, and Allen used to teach 5th grade there many moons ago. It is a really wonderful school that encourages a lot of creativity and love of learning. The kids we got to know there seemed to have the exact opposite attitude towards school that most children have. If they had a day off, they would be really SAD because they would MISS school! I used to periodically ask the kids, "So, are you excited for Spring Break, etc.?" just to test them out and they would always answer, "Well, not really because we'll miss school." It is such a fun and lovely school I do think any child would be sad to miss it.)

Anyway, this little first grade class decided that for their service project they would like to form a little fundraising team and have a day at school devoted to Joseph. They asked me to come and answer some questions about Joseph and his cancer, then they made a huge banner, and then they had a mini Joe P. Rally Run in the school parking lot, complete with the Chick-Fil-A cow!

It was one of the sweetest most touching things I have experienced. Seeing these children running their hearts out so they could help other sick children was so precious.

About a week after the race was over a mom and her son came over to me at a pizza place and the little boy asked me, "I remember you from Intown. Aren't you Joe P.'s mom?"

I felt like a celebrity. Why, yes, I am Joe P.'s mom. Everyone can refer to me as that from now on. :)

Thank you, Intown First Grade!! Your creative efforts are really going to make a difference in research towards Childhood Cancer Research.

Twinklings of Joseph

Every so often (sometimes very often), I'll be going about my day, just doing normal everyday things when I'm struck so hard by a memory of Joseph that I have to take a really deep breath just to keep going. It happens in obvious places, like whenever I drive by our old house or am in that neighborhood where we wore a path with a stroller to and from that park. I drive by and I can just see Joseph and Holly bundled up together in the double jogger and me trying to get there fast enough to let them loose on the ducks!

Sometimes it happens in more unexpected places, like a coffee shop. I was standing in line the other night, trying to figure out which of the 1 million choices of coffee combinations I was going to go with when my eyes fell on a little box of chocolate milk. All of a sudden my eyes teared up and I was back in Memphis with my boy, and we were all sitting around a table, overjoyed that Starbucks chocolate milk was the one thing Joseph would eat when he was feeling sick from the radiation. That little box of chocolate milk was always a treat for him, though, and I can recall countless sleep-deprived mornings with me driving through Starbucks for a coffee and him sitting back there hoping it was a chocolate milk morning, too!

There are so many opportunities to remember him, really. Just some days they strike me harder than others. This little memory I cherish because it was just him and me. I'm thinking Holly was napping and Allen was at work. We were looking out our back door at squirrels, as Joseph was prone to do, and we noticed an animal I was sure he probably hadn't seen before. He asked me what it was and I said, "That's a chipmunk! I don't think you've seen one before. Isn't it cute?" He cocked his head to one side and I could see him running through his mental list of "animals I know," and he came up with, "Das a chicken?" I told him "No, honey, a chip-munk." He looked puzzled again asked, "Das a monkey?" I could tell he was sure mommy had lost her mind, mixing up chickens and monkeys because surely chipmunk wasn't a real word. I always smile when I think of that little conversation.

I'm not really sure this post has point...I just felt like talking about Joseph. I hope you don't mind! I guess with the Joe P. Rally Run coming up, a lot of people have asked about how we're doing and are remembering Joseph especially.

We are really looking forward to this year's race on April 16th. It is going to be in Nashville again, at Centennial Park. There will be a kids' Fun Run at 8:30, so be sure to get there a little early if your kiddos want to race against the Chick-Fil-A cow. We will be there, bright and early, and look forward to seeing lots of you! There will be all kinds of booths set up from local businesses/restaurants and Starbucks has offered to provide the coffee. If you haven't already registered, you can do so here. We are so grateful to all our awesome sponsors who are making this possible, and to Jennifer Barr, who is heading up the race this year. I just know we are going to reach our goal of $30K.

Thanks to all of you who have already supported this race and to those of you who have become fundraisers. It is so exciting to see us getting closer to the goal. I have this little dream that maybe one day a family will get the news that their child has a high-grade brain tumor and instead of no good options, they are told, "Oh, we have a great treatment for that. No big deal!" And they would live to have lots more birthdays and fun discoveries and memories together as a family. Wouldn't that be amazing?

See you all April 16th!!

The Babe, the Son of Mary

What Child is this who, laid to rest
On Mary's lap is sleeping?
Whom Angels greet with anthems sweet,
While shepherds watch are keeping?

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

So bring Him incense, gold and myrrh,
Come peasant, king to own Him;
The King of kings salvation brings,
Let loving hearts enthrone Him.

He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Raise, raise a song on high,
The virgin sings her lullaby.
Joy, joy for Christ is born,
The Babe, the Son of Mary.

By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

After he has suffered,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

(Isaiah 53 and What Child is This)

I was listening to this song on the radio this morning (What Child is This) and two things struck me: 1. The irony and sadness of the honor Jesus deserved and the honor we actually paid Him and 2. Mary's response as a mother to Jesus' crucifixion (that we don't know much about it).

My baby, June, has been sick the last few weeks with a cold and an ear infection. I've had lots of time to hold her at night and rock her and also to think and pray about her future (after I finally remember in my sleepy state that Allen is working and will not be getting up with her as he usually does!). It's in the moments when my children seem the most innocent and helpless that I sometimes look with fear into the future. I won't be able to protect them forever. Lord, please keep them from pain and suffering and harm.

But, in my heart of hearts I know He won't. Whom of us has been spared any pain or suffering or harm? Whom of us hasn't had our hearts broken, ignored, or "held in low esteem." If we are honest, we all have been hurt and harmed by other people, whether intentional or unintentional. It is the sad state of our hearts. We all have been tainted by sin and we feel the effects of that.

So, once I admit that my children have and will inevitably experience pain and suffering and some degree of hurt I wonder what I should pray next? I can't protect them forever. I couldn't keep Joseph with us forever or keep cancer from ravaging his beautiful life. Just the thought of it is too much to bear.

Where do we go with this unspeakable fear and sadness? As a mother, how do we fearlessly entrust our children to God's hands, knowing full well it won't be a bed of roses? How did Mary accept the beautiful gift of being the mother of God, knowing His life would be full of rejection and pain and that He would be taken from her and crucified on a cross?

I have looked through the Bible and I just can't find much about Mary in Jesus' later life (I am no Bible scholar, so if I'm missing it please let me know) or how she responded to His crucifixion. But I can imagine the intense pain, horror, outrage and anger. This child, this perfect son, whom she nursed and held and raised, treated as a lowly criminal and killed publicly for all to see. With no honor or respect or glory. The King of kings and Lord of lords, her own son.

The only thing I can think of is that she knew He was God's Son first. That yes, He was her son, entrusted to her for a short while, but ultimately His purposes were so vastly beyond just the short while she had Him in her home.

I know it is not really accurate to compare our own children to Jesus, because He is the Savior of the world and our children are not, but I think the idea still applies. That our children are gifts given to us for a short while, but their purposes and lives are God's and He is trustworthy to keep them safe. And not safe as we imagine safe, but safe in His love and safe for eternity in His hands. That Emmanuel, God with us, applies to all of us. Even in loneliness, sadness, and fear, God is with us. In the midst of a sinful, painful, fallen world, the beauty of Jesus can shine into our hearts. He is with us if we confess our need and open our hearts to His forgiveness and grace.
This Christmas season, (and every Christmas season) I find myself distracted by buying gifts, getting to the post office, checking everything off my "to do" list to be "prepared" for the big day. I am not focused on Jesus and I truly feel my heart "is deceitful above all things and beyond cure." But the Good News is that we do have a beautiful Savior who sacrificed for us and lived a perfect life in our place (by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.).

In our busyness and distraction He still calls to us. He is Emmanuel, God with us. May He be with you and me this Christmas season.

Joe P. Rally Run

Dust off those running shoes, because the Joe P. Rally Run is coming up. It will be held on April 16th, 2011 at Centennial Park in Nashville, TN. We are so excited about this year's race. There will be a lot of new things, including a 1K Fun Run for the kiddos! The Fun Run will be at 8:30 and the 5K will begin at 9 a.m. The children will run against the Chick-Fil-A cow, and if they beat him (I have a sneaking suspicion he is very slow :)) they will get a prize from Chick-Fil-A!

There will also be some amazing prizes for the adults running. I think I've heard rumors of free Chick-Fil-A for a year to 2 winning adults!

But, most importantly we are excited to celebrate Joseph's life and try to raise money for childhood cancer research. We have raised the goal to $50k this year. Do you think we can do it? I do!

A few high schools from the Nashville area have formed teams and will compete against other teams that form. I believe there will be a way to do that on the website soon.

To register, go here.

We hope you had a great Thanksgiving and have a wonderful Christmas. And, we hope to see you in April!

***P.S.*** My sister is doing a giveaway for a beautiful new stamper here. It ends Friday, Dec. 3.

Hungry

The girls and I have been blessed lately to spend time with some wonderful people we call "the sweet people." My dear friend Holly nicknamed the residents at a nursing home this because she said they were so sweet. She took her children to see them every week until she moved away a couple of months ago. My friend Beth and I decided to fill in for her since "the sweet people" loved seeing children every week and missed Holly and her kids (but I don't think we will ever compare to the famous Holly at this place).

We have only gone twice but I just can't describe the impact these women have had on me already (there are some men, but it's mostly women). For one thing, many of them are as sharp as a tack. There is one lady I'll call Shelley who has become my favorite. She is a beautiful woman of 90 years old who is bedridden. She really never leaves her bed, except maybe to bathe. But she is full of encouragement and kindness and compliments. I am amazed that in a short visit of 5-10 minutes I come away feeling like a million bucks. We'll just be talking about the children or her grandchildren or something, and she'll slide in a compliment somehow that leaves me a little befuddled. (Aren't I here to encourage her? I neeed to focus more.)

Today she revealed her age to me and I honestly was shocked. Aside from being unable to walk around she has great mental acuity and her face looks young and happy. When I said, "Wow, you do not look like you are 90," she quickly came back with, "I thought you might say that. That's why I told you." Then I said, "I would have guessed 55," with a little smirk. She then asked, "Can it go a little lower?" I confusedly asked, "The bed? I'm not sure I know how to move it..." and she said, "No, no, the age. Can't it go a little lower?" That made me laugh out loud. I guess I need to work on my compliments!

As I was walking June out, I chatted with her roommate a bit and mentioned how quickly time goes by and how I can't believe June is already one. I didn't even think Shelley was listening because her TV was on the news and it looked like she was watching it, but she piped up without even looking over at me, "Time to have another one!"

Already telling me what to do. I love it!

Aside from being really amused by some of these sweet people, visiting them has also made me ponder my own life and what I value most. These women have a few pictures of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, and maybe a few books and paintings in their rooms. After a full life of marriage, raising children, careers, and whatever else they accomplished in their lives, this is what is left: a small room and a few precious belongings.

It would make me cry just thinking about it if they didn't seem so happy and sweet. This nursing home looks like a four star hotel. The residents are well cared-for and are given lots of little luxuries. If I ever need to be in a nursing home I want my name on the list here.

But there is something that seems to mark every person we have visited: They are hungry. They are overjoyed that we have come. They want us to come again. They offer us little candies and little gifts. Every single room visit ends with a pleading, "Come back."

Today June toddled over to a lady eating her lunch and put her arms up for her to hold her. The lady eagerly threw her fork down, reached for June and held her like she would never get to hold another person in her life. That interaction almost did make me cry. She was so thankful to hold a baby and so happy that June reached for her. I could tell she savored every moment of that sweet embrace.

Every person we encounter is hungry for love and conversation and interaction. This is what they value most. They have all the time in the world and no-one to share it with. All of their possessions and achievements and jobs don't mean much to them now. What they want is to hold someone and love them and feel important.

I think I have mentioned before how I tend to be a doer. A busy person. I like to have projects and things to do and see. Maybe you can relate? I do love people and I love my children but I often find myself putting my "to-do" list above the people in my life.

But God seems to constantly be driving home this point to me to cherish the people and the days I have. I know one day I will be old (if I don't die sooner). That is a certainty. I'm not getting any younger. One day my children will be grown up and living lives of their own and I will be hungry to have time with them. I already know the ache of longing to hold and be with a beloved child.

Right now they are hungry for me. They are little and need me for just about everything and I'm tired. But for this day I'm praying for the grace to enjoy the life God has given me and the precious people he has entrusted me to love.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness!"

~Lamentations 3:21-23

September

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Just wanted to remind you all that "The Big Day" at Chili's is Sept. 27th. On that day Chili's donates 100% of its profits to St. Jude's. Pretty amazing. So, eat at Chili's!! Not only are they extremely generous but they also have the best strawberry lemonade this side of the Mississippi.

If you feel like eating at Chili's just isn't enough for you, we've come up with a few lesser-known places we feel are pretty deserving of donations:

Give Kids The World: This is the resort where we stayed when Make A Wish sent us to Disney World. They provide beautiful comfortable accomodations for children and their families who are battling cancer. It is also a mini-Disney World in itself, with many fun activities for all ages of kids, along with free ice cream any time of day, pictures with Disney characters, and an indoor play castle.

Rally Foundation: This organization, through volunteers across the country, raises awareness and funds specifically for childhood cancer research to find better treatments and cures for childhood cancers. We did the Joe P. Rally Run with them last year and raised $20,000 for childhood brain cancer research!

Aflac Cancer Center in Atlanta: Recognized as one of the top childhood cancer centers in the country by U.S.News & World Report, the Aflac Cancer Center treats more than 350 new cancer patients each year and follows more than 2,500 patients with sickle cell disease, hemophilia and other blood disorders. Joseph was treated here after he was diagnosed.

Another way of giving is simply donating toys to the children's hospital in your city. This is a great activity to do with your kids. They can help pick out the toys and imagine how excited a child will be who is sick in bed and can't get outside to play.

We also wanted to let you know that the Joe P. Rally Run has been postponed until April 16, 2011. It will be in Nashville again.

Thank you for all your support last year. Because of you, we were able to send $20,000 to the University of California San Franciso. They are testing new drugs to treat pediatric malignant gliomas (including glioblastoma multiforme) and are showing some promising results in the early stages of testing. We were so excited to hear this as very little is being done anywhere to research pediatric high-grade gliomas. Let's help to keep this research going! We will let you know when the website is up and you can sign up for the race.

How to help a friend who has lost a child

I had the honor of guest posting on my friend Missy's blog (It's Almost Naptime) today. She is actually a friend I have never had the pleasure of meeting in person, but I discovered her blog a while back and it soon became my favorite. We started emailing and it turned out she had followed Joseph's story and had been praying for him for months. Missy is one of the funniest and sweetest people ever. If you don't already read her blog you really should!
A few weeks ago she asked if I would write a little something about how to help a friend who has lost a child, so if you are interested you can hop over there and take a look.

Gazing heavenward

Happy Birthday, Joseph

This is the slideshow we made last year of Joseph's life. We've added one more song that Allen wrote, called "Back Home." (This isn't the official polished version as it is still in production, but the slideshow distorts so much of the music that you can't tell.) Thanks again to John Moessner who worked for peanuts.

Happy Birthday, Joe P.! We miss you more than words can say. One day we'll all be back home and what rejoicing there will be!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Joseph's Birthday

We are almost at what would be Joseph's 6th birthday. Allen and I really don't imagine much what he "would be like" now because it's just too hard to even do that. To us he will always be 4 years old. But I can't help thinking that this would have been a big year for him, starting kindergarten and beginning to be more independent of us. I can just picture him so proudly wearing a big backpack and bounding up to new children and charming them with his infectious laugh and mischievous spirit. He always wanted to include everyone and make sure everyone was happy and having fun.

For weeks I have been trying to prepare myself for these two days: August 20 and 21, but there doesn't seem to be any real way to make them better. To be honest, every day is difficult and in a way these days are easier because most of our close friends acknowledge that they are difficult and so we have support there. It is the random days during the year where we just feel down for no apparent reason and feel like everyone has forgotten him and forgotten that we miss him--those days can be the worst. But these two days are still hard as we have lots of memories that we relive and then there is just the pain of celebrating his birthday with his empty chair staring at us.

We do believe that Joseph is with Jesus now and that his life had purpose. There is no way we will ever understand why this happened to him and to us but we do know God is the same God he was before all this and He is still our only safe refuge. There just is nowhere else to find real peace. For a while after Joseph died I just couldn't talk to God much. Still believed in Him and knew He still loved me but there was nothing to say, to him or to anyone. I felt so deeply wounded. I think I tried to ignore him and retreated into my shell of self-protection or self-pity. It was just hard to accept that life was still happening outside of my pain. But after a long time of that I am remembering how much I really need God for this life and self-pity is a slippery slope that leads nowhere good. God has been faithful to meet me as I crack open that Bible (mostly the Psalms) and open myself up to Him. And I feel so encouraged as verses really apply to where I am in life and instill hope in me for the future. One Psalm in particular has been very comforting--Psalm 73. The whole Psalm is wonderful but the last few words have resonated with me: "But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds." It is just good to be near God.

For Joseph's birthday we plan to go to his favorite spots again this year, have some cupcakes and send balloons up to heaven. If you would like to celebrate his birthday this way (sending balloons up), please do so. And if you get a chance to take pictures we would love to see them and maybe post them all on the blog.