Thank You, Rally Foundation

You may already know about this sweet foundation that raises money for childhood cancer research (I have a link to them on the side of our blog). A couple of their athletes biked across the country this summer in honor of Joseph. And all of their fundraising efforts go specifically to childhood cancer research.

I just found out that they are doing a "race in place" (biking) fundraiser this weekend in Nashville and they have a "Team Joe P."! I just got an email and I was so touched that they would have a team in Joe P.'s honor. So, I wanted to let you all know about it. You can visit the team's webpages to check on their progress and even donate if you like.

http://www.active.com/donate/raceinplace/tygunter (from this page you can link to his team members)

I know many of you have run races in Joseph's honor (St. Jude Marathon this past fall was one) and I cannot tell you how much that means to us. Thank you!

And thanks so much for all your work, Rally Foundation. Go Team Joe P.!!

And the Winner is....

All the numbers were in the hat...

Holly picked #5, Christi from Decatur, GA. Congratulations! Please contact me (agpeabody@gmail.com) so you can order your 50 free monogrammed notecards.

Thanks to everyone who played along with the giveaway. This was so fun for me; I'll have to do another one again soon.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

--Gillian

A Giveaway!

48 hour giveaway!!!

**FYI: Swee Pea Designs notecards, luggage tags, and bookmarks are buy one, get a duplicate set free! This offer ends February 15th.

This is a really amazing deal. My sister is giving away 50 free beautiful notecards to a lucky winner. It would make a great gift for a friend or a great gift for yourself. :) All of the stationery, luggage tags, jewelry and notepads are adorable. I have some personalized flat notecards and love them! They are not only pretty but great quality.


Here's how to enter the drawing:

Go to http://ltootle.paperconcierge.com/

Pick out your favorite product on the website. Come back and leave a comment mentioning your favorite.

You will then be entered to win one of the shown note card sets:

50 personalized notecards... a $76.00 value!!!

Are these not gorgeous? Holly will draw a name out of a hat and I will post the winner on Friday afternoon. Happy browsing!

Returning

After a lot of discussions, thoughts and prayer about my job situation, we've decided to return to Atlanta and finish my residency at Emory. This has been a difficult decision for many obvious reasons, but having finally made it, we are relieved and excited to be moving forward. I have spoken with my program director there, who has been unbelievably supportive and helpful throughout the past year, and told her that we were ready to come back. So we're still working out all the details, but it looks like we'll be moving back sometime in the May/June range. We are so thankful to the Emory program who have been so flexible and understanding with everything.


So we're coming back. And we're excited to see all of our friends there. We are apprehensive about moving back to all the memories and places associated with Joseph. And I'm anxious about returning to work at the hospital where he was diagnosed and had the first surgery. So there are some things to be praying for if you think of it.


We are so thankful for our friends and family who have supported us throughout this year and especially in the months after Joseph's death. We feel so blessed to have so many around us encouraging and helping us. We're excited for the future for the first time in a long time and are ready to get going.

Happy Birthday Holly Bear

Three years ago today we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, Holly Taaffe Peabody. She was 9 pounds 12 oz and 20.5 inches long. She was a sweet baby who rarely cried and was content most of the time to listen and watch her big brother run circles around the house. We are so thankful for our little Holly bear. She continue to be such a sweet, caring, bright and fun little girl who brings so much joy and happiness to our lives. Below are some pictures scanned into the computer (which explains why they are a little slanted) from Holly's "first" birthday. And yes, that is my real belly.

This year for Holly's birthday we had a princess party. The first thing she said to me when she woke me up was, "Thank you for decorating my house." She was so excited to see streamers and balloons in the kitchen in preparation for her party. She really enjoyed the festivities and we are so grateful to everyone who came to make it a special day for her. I have observed that most children actually do not enjoy their own parties very much when they are little (mine included). I don't know if it is overstimulation or just being overwhelmed at all the noise and people, but I have to say Holly seemed to enjoy every minute and seemed very at ease with all the attention. Here are some pictures from her big princess day:

Ariel and Cinderalla love each other.

We made handprint princess and king t-shirts.

Thanks to artist Aunt Jennifer all the t-shirts turned out beautifully.

Princess Annie

I found this cake online and decided to try it. I'm so glad it didn't fall!

Big three year old blowing out her candles. Happy Birthday Holly! We love you so much.

Great Expectations

I love our church. We have some of the most gifted teachers and preachers around, and I just feel so privileged to get to hear them talk. Tonight was Wednesday night church, where you can go and eat dinner then break off into various different classrooms. We've been slowly easing back into church involvement, since for a long time neither of us had the energy or desire, and being in a new city I guess it has taken us longer than it would have back in Atlanta. Anyway, all that to say, I saw in the bulletin that Michael Card was leading a class through the book of John, and I thought "Well, that is not something every church offers." If you have not heard of him, he is an amazing songwriter and scholar with a really thorough knowledge of scripture.

So, tonight our friends Kate and Todd went with us and we read through John chapter 6. I could have sat there all night and just listened. But there were a couple of things Michael Card said that just really resonated with me. The first thing was that "if you follow God long enough he will fail to meet your expectations."

In this chapter a group of people come to find Jesus and basically ask him to perform some miracles for them so they can believe in him. He instead turns the tables on them and tells them that He is the Son of God and that he is the bread of life. If they will believe in Him they will have eternal life. He refuses to jump through their hoops and instead challenges their motives and hearts. After this dialogue "many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him" (v. 66). They had an image of who Jesus was and he wasn't conforming to it. He failed to meet their expectations so they left.

I thought about this because it is so easy for me to create in my head an image of who God is and demand he act that way. He shouldn't make me suffer. He shouldn't let children die of cancer. He shouldn't let friends lose their jobs at Christmastime. And if he fails to meet my expectations, I have a right to be angry.

I really have struggled with trusting God to protect my family now. I had an expectation that he would keep my children safe and it was shattered. I used to read Psalm 23 and think, "This means God will keep evil and sickness and sadness from us, because we are loved." But then I looked closer at the Psalm. It says:

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

That is exactly what we have done. We have walked in the shadow of death and watched it steal the life of our precious son. But the next verse says "I will fear no evil, for you are with me." Even in the shadow of death we can be safe and fearless. Even if death wins, it cannot take our soul. That is safe in the arms of God. We may experience evil but we don't have to fear it. Now I see God protecting my family in a different light. I pray that He is gracious and does protect our health and lives, but my idea of "good" is so different from His.

Back in John, after some of his disciples left him he turns to his twelve and says, "You do not want to leave, too, do you?" And Peter's response is so simple yet so powerful: "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." Michael Card called it "loyal despair." I could so relate to that. I have felt exasperated and heartbroken and angry, but deep down I know where the words of life are. Only His words have ever brought me any real peace. So I have felt like, "Well, I would leave if I could, but I know you would woo me back." I know you are true and real, but I just don't always like what you do. I think God can handle that.

Another thing Michael Card said was that God often puts us in impossible situations so we will see our need for him. At the beginning of the chapter he asks Philip where they can buy food for the 5,000 people who had gathered around him. Philip balks and says that 8 months' wages wouldn't be enough to pay for it all. John hints that Jesus had in mind already what he would do but he wanted to test Philip. I guess Jesus wanted to see if Philip knew what He was capable of providing. In the last few years I have definitely felt like I have been in impossible situations, but it never occurred to me that it was on purpose, so that God could show his sufficiency. I try to be so self-sufficient all the time and then feel like a failure if I can't handle it. How freeing to think God doesn't ask us to carry the whole burden. He wants us to give it back to him.

Thinking back on our whole journey with Joseph, it is just so clear we absolutely could not have functioned and thrived without many, many hands helping us to do so. We were just exhausted, heartbroken, and couldn't think straight most of the time. There were so many times I thought, "This is too much. It's just too much for any parents to have to bear." But the thing is, we didn't have to bear it all on our own. So many people brought us meals, gifts, money, cards, emails, groceries, etc. And so many people just loved Joseph and spent time with him and made him laugh and brought him joy and happiness. It wasn't all dependent upon us, and I think that is one lesson God was teaching us. That life isn't meant to be lived alone. We need each other and He works through us to help one another.

He may put us in impossible situations. He may not fulfill our expectations. But He is good and He is God.

"To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Happy 2009

Hi blog friends! It has been a long time since I've written. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Years.

I cannot believe it is a new year again. This past year went by in such a blur that I barely got used to it being 2008 and now I have to get used to it being 2009. Has it really been 9 years since Y2K? Remember that little thing? Ha ha. A lot of people I know have mentioned that 2008 was such a horrible year and they are so glad it's a new year. I started thinking about that and realized that from the outside most people would probably say it was a horrible year for us, too. But as I pondered it I realized I just don't feel that way. I would never say it was a horrible year. We had some really trying times, some nightmarish things to walk through, but we also had some very dear and precious memories with Joseph-- and he was still with us in 2008. So in a way I think I didn't want to leave 2008, because that is the last year Joseph was with us.

Usually at the beginning of the year I have some goals or hopes for the new year. This year I'm having a hard time doing that. I am just having trouble getting excited about moving forward. I'm not completely stuck--I feel like I'm just resisting moving on. One thing I have been doing lately that I'd like to continue into the New Year is memorizing scripture. I am in the middle of Psalm 139 (at the suggestion of a blog friend, Angie) and I love that if I have some alone time in the car or doing errands that the truth of God's word comes into my head and reminds me of my true identity as a child of God. Oh, and I got some great stationery for Christmas so I also plan to write lots of hand-written letters to my long-distance friends (because, you know, without cute stationery it just couldn't be done :)).

We didn't send out Christmas cards this year. I ordered them and went to pick them up at Walmart, but when I looked at them I just felt sick. The whole way home I cried and then I decided I just couldn't send out a card without Joseph in it. So, I have about 85 Christmas cards on top of my fridge. Who knows, maybe I'll send them out in July just to be silly. But, thank you to everyone who still sent us a card. I make a little collage out of them after Christmas and it hangs on our wall all year:

While digging out Christmas decorations this year, my mom found a dress that used to be mine so I tried it on Holly and was so excited that it still fits her. I think it is the only article of clothing we kept from when I was little (after 3 trans-Atlantic moves things get lost or given away). Here is a picture of Holly in it:

We had a wonderful time on the cruise. It was just what the doctor ordered for us. A great diversion and lots of fun time with family. Holly got to sleep on a "loft" over our bed, which was big fun. After a couple of nights we read that children under 6 were not supposed to sleep in it. Oops. She did great, though.

Santa came aboard!

I hope and pray all of you have a very happy and healthy New Year.

Christmas is Here!!

Well, almost. But judging from the toy aisle at Target, you would think it is tomorrow. I went in hopes of finding (another) princess phone for Holly for Christmas and do you believe I got the LAST one, at least at this Target. It was such a fun trip b/c I could feel the Christmas shopping fever but I wasn't stressed at all b/c I am pretty much finished shopping and was basically just browsing and hanging out in my favorite place. I do have to go by the "Cars" aisle every time to check if they new cars, which always brings a tear to my eye but also brings back some very happy Joseph memories.

The last couple of weeks have been really tough for me. I seem to go through phases where I feel like I'm fine followed by a period of intense sadness and missing him so much. I miss his energy and cheerfulness and passion for life, but I also just miss parenting him and taking care of him and watching him interact with Holly, taking on the role of older brother. And I'm sad for Holly that she won't have him looking out for her as she grows up.

We went to Atlanta this past weekend for my friend Beth's baby shower. We are so excited for them as they anticipate the arrival of their 3rd son in just a few weeks. Holly and Logan had so much fun playing together and it warmed my heart to see her racing around the house with cars and trucks again. It was my first time being back in Atlanta since last April and it was every bit as hard as I thought it would be. I was so nervous about going back that I thought, "It has to be easier than I'm imagining," but really it wasn't. Every part of that place holds so many memories for me and makes me miss Joseph all the more. We did really enjoy seeing old friends, though, and I was glad to get some good quality time with the people we love. Holly and I popped over to see some friends on Sunday and below is the picture we were able to catch:

This is what I love about toddlers (which used to drive me more crazy than anything). You just have to grab conversation when you can--in between breaking up toy wars, bringing kids potty, answering questions, etc. It makes quiet conversations at a coffee shop that much more precious and memorable (and rare). I am so grateful that God has blessed me with wonderful friends to go through motherhood with.

This weekend we leave for a cruise with Allen's family. It is our Christmas present from Mimi and Big Daddy. We are really looking forward to it, and Holly is excited about going on a "big boat." So, I think it will be a nice diversion for all of us and we will enjoy not cooking and just relaxing and spending some time together.

Wishing all of you a Merry Christmas and lots of fun family memories. And you better get to Target NOW if you want a princess phone. :)

Praying for Jackson today

My friend Vivi in Atlanta recently told me her friend found out her little boy (18 months old) may have a brain tumor. They are not exactly sure what the mass is, but it was causing Jackson to have seizures. This morning he is in brain surgery to remove the mass. I am praying that they would be able to remove the mass safely, that it would be something low-grade/non life-threatening, and that Jackson would recover amazingly well with no damage to his brain or other bodily functions. Of course I'm also praying for his parents, that God would surround them with his peace. Please join me in praying for this family. Their website is: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jacksonwilliams
Thank you!!

Christmas is Coming!

Now that it is officially December Christmas seems so close!! We put up our Christmas tree and lights, manger scene and light-up Santa. We don't usually go all-out for Christmas, but this year we have more lights and decorations than we ever have, and I have to say I love it. Holly also loves it, and every time she passes any kind of Christmas light or decoration she pauses and says, "It is sooo beauty-ful." We really don't have many Christmas traditions yet, but one that we started a few years ago was to decorate the tree listening to Bing Croby's Christmas Album, and then have Taco Soup and Egg Nog for dinner. This year it was even cold enough to feel like Christmas, and then as a bonus we got snow today!! (After I mocked Target for replacing the rake aisle with snow shovels, saying, "How much snow do we really get?")

Holly is still trying to figure out how Jesus, Santa, and Christmas all tie together. Today she was telling me she wanted a purple and green vacuum. Then she thought about it and said, "Maybe Christmas will get one for me?"

We had a really nice Thanksgiving, aside from the fact that I was sick most of the week. The only good thing about it was that it took my mind off missing Joseph. The really hard part for me was opening up our box of ornaments when we started decorating the tree. I hadn't realized how many ornaments we had for him. There were a couple I had made for him, then a couple with his picture inside, then a few that had all of our names on them. The one that really got me was one with a picture of when he was five months old and Mimi and I thought it would be so cute to put him inside a stocking. It really is a cute picture, but it just made me sad that we won't get to do silly things like that anymore.

I loved getting to spend time with my parents and siblings and their children. One night all my sisters and brothers and I went out to dinner without spouses, something I don't think we have ever done. We had a lot of fun, and I laughed more than I have in a long time. We talked about "Love Languages," of all things, which just made us all really bellyache as we tried to figure out Sam and David's.

Cousin Bella is staying in Nashville for a few days, and Holly loves having a little playmate around. Bella took a nap over here today and she and Holly slept in the same bed for 2 hours. I couldn't believe they did it. After nap I got them a snack, then Holly got them both a box of raisins (one of her and Joseph's favorite snacks). Bella told her that she didn't like raisins and Holly just couldn't believe it. "Just try them! You DO like them." She was practically force-feeding her before I told her that there are people in the world who don't like raisins, and Bella didn't have to eat them. I just thought it was hilarious that Holly was trying to convince her that she really did like them. "They're juicy and sweet!" she said. I can't bear to tell her that they aren't my favorite snack either.

I hope all of you are having fun decorating for Christmas and shopping for or making gifts. A friend of mine dropped over an Advent Calendar today, the kind with the chocolate behind each day (Thanks, Katie!!). That was one of my favorite things to do as a child, so I'm excited to start doing it with Holly. The girl has a serious sweet tooth like her mommy, so I'm sure she will love it. Hope you all are enjoying some fun traditions, too. Stay warm and enjoy those Christmas lights!